Not Doing Good, Not Pretending I Am.

Ok, so the pic is not really relevent to my mood......but I like it! This week has pretty much sucked, I very unhappy about my Worship Pastor/Counselor/Friend leaving. It took about a day after Sunday to start hitting me, apperently I was in a state of denile up untill then :)
So this week has been one of falling down....or medicating and escape. And all I can come back to is the question, "Who are you?" Answer, "I'm a child of God." Now if I can somehow get myself to believe that in my heart I will be doing just fine!

God as the Glue

Sometimes it would seem that God does not speak but I think rather the issue is one of listening. Perhaps it's the decision he waits for before speaking or before he begins to move.... I heard a word today following a decision I made to suffer through a temptation in me, a word that seems logical enough but for some reason I continue to miss. The word was, Suffering is hard, the strong christian man is one of suffering. That is what you must become. In our weakness he makes us strong is a line I have heard over and over again and felt I believed and knew deeply. I was wrong. I know nothing of suffering, I know medication, I know escape, I know how to hide more than I would care to admit. So today I start my suffering, today I come out of hiding, today my escape becomes Christ.
I pray my heart continues to listen to the heart of God and a be softened by it's all consuming love.

And for a certain livingpalm I know...... a C.S. Lewis quote!

"'Don't you mind him,' said Puddleglum. 'There are no accidents. Our guide is Aslan.'"

--The Silver Chair

Broken

I havent really felt like posting anything lately....mostly because I don't want to think about anything, much less write about it. I've felt like I've been being attacked from a million different angles lately....ok maybe not a million, but alot! Whether it's Danny leaving or my wife having medical issues, or one of my best friend telling my I wasen't there for him when he needed me most. Or just life in general which seems to be at the very best.....hard. None of this is easy in the first place and it's just worst when you've decided to take it all on yourself and not let the one thing that can help in. So needless to say I'm not to happy right now. I want things to be easy :) I know, I know....there not. I know God is good. I know it in my heart. Sometimes my brain just needs to be reminded.

Into the Black

Just got done reading "Black" by Ted Decker, this is one of the coolest books I've read in a very long time (Ok I admit I listened to it on Audio, but I'm addicted to audiobooks and it's not cheating!) Read it, it will amaze you. The part that isn't good is that it's the first part in a trilogy so it left me hangin! So I must go out and by the next book immediately! (The audiobook of coarse...hehe)
So I've decided today that I will do a weekly quote from C.S. Lewis, just one a week! And I choose the day......you'll never see it comin'! lol.

C.S. Lewis for the Day

"'Yes,' said Queen Lucy. 'In our world too, a Stable once had something inside it that was bigger than our whole world.'"

--The Last Battle

Hello Again.....

Ok so I've slacked off for a few days but here I am.....I'm back. Well after a week of personal struggles, lies from the enemy and my own rebellion, I'm getting back on track. I'm not sure at what point I decide to no longer listen to God and decide I'm smarter than him but I do know this. I prove myself wrong everytime. I'm like a fly who keeps trying to get out through a pain of glass and never seems to get the fact that it's not going to move! You need to go a different way! You stupid Fly! Sin is a mind numbing vice....when I'm in touch with God I can start to feel again but without him I can't seem to feel how badly I'm damaging my own heart. Please give me the heart to seek after you everyday and resist the ploys from the enemy that I am so familiar with. Put in my heart a fire that cannot be quenched by anything but you. Amen.