Cobwebs and Dark Rooms......

So to the aspect of house cleaning and other such topics which God asks me to draw my attention too, I believe that to fully start to hear from God in the way he would like us to we need to find all the dirt in our dark and hidden places and expose it to the light. This process is sooooo much fun! Much like running your hand over a cheese grater:). The problem then becomes one of waiting for the stuff to surface (which can be painful in itself) And then applying the light of Christ to it so it will blow up like a ghost from ghostbusters! Ok enough of that! I'm just in a wierd mood today I guess....I am happy with the amount of vitorty and freedom that Christ have given me of late and am feeling good as a result. Today wasen't easy by any means but I didn't fall down either and for this I am grateful.

Faith and Feelings

"I'm on Aslan's side even if there isn't any Aslan to lead it. I'm going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn't any Narnia."

--The Silver Chair



I've been thinking alot lately about the obedience that God wants me to have even with a lack of "feeling" that he is there. The fact is that he is there, even if I don't know it or feel it. Could it be that he desires for me to long for him even in the driest of deserts? Too search for him even when it's to dark to see? To reach out and know that his hand will find mine, when I can't find his? I think so. I think he blesses our longing for his peace and love. There is an empty cistern in my heart that can only be filled by Christ's love. Any other content will leak out and taint my fragile heart. But the love of Christ will stay constant and overflow becoming a wellspring within my soul.

Lord Jesus saturate my flesh and soul with you all consuming love, fill me to the brim with you.... Place in me a longing for you that cannot be quenched by anything of this earth. Bring me close to you and hide me beneath your wings, take me to a secret place and hide me from thine enemys. Protect and watch over me all the days of my life.

Amen.

Conversations with God - Part 1

Me: God....why do I feel all alone?

God: You may feel all alone at times.....but your not.

Me: Are you sure? It really feels that way!

God: Since when does how you feel dictate what I do?

Me: Ya but.....

God: But nothing.

Me: Ok, ok. Why are you so patient with me?

God: Because I love you.

Me: Ya but...

God: But nothng.

Me: Stop that!

God: No.

God: When are you going to realize that I died for you? That my blood has already covered all the things you've done, are doing and will do.

Me: It may possably take until we meet face to face...

God: That's ok, I'll be hear waiting to tell you again..... face to face.

Me: I'd like to get it before I die.

God: I'd like you to get it before you die.

Me: I love you.

God: I know you do. I love you too.

Me: Why am I so stupid?

God: You not so stupid, you just have a tendency to listen to a lier.

Me: I should stop that.

God: Why don't you?

Me: I'll try.

God: That's all I'm asking for right now.

Me: Thanks..I'll talk to you in a bit.

God: Catch ya later.

Hinds Feet and Other Such Places.....

So I bought the book Hinds Feet on High Places today and read chapter one. I'm loving it so far and it's touching more places in me than I would have thought, and yes I do realize that this is a book that's been a topic of discussion in our church for like....years. So I'm alittle behind! Cut me some slack people! I'm also reading Waking the Dead for the second time (For a cell group) and the Three Battleground (on my own) And I still need to get the second book in Ted Dekkers Circle series "Red".....when will this madness stop? And yes HealingRain I am actually "reading" some of these books (No Cheating!).

I do believe that I have been very Much-Afraid in so many ways in my life, Wanting the peace that God offers but never quite figuring how to rest there.

Giving all of me is the only way, completely falling backwards into his more that capable arms. His arms are the perfect fit for my broken body, my broken soul, to hold my broken heart. I was made with the purpose of breathing his breath, surrendering my will to his, to being a cistern of his overflowing love.

May I be that more and more everyday. Amen.

Scary Thought....

So here's a line from today's oswald that caught my attention.

"Notice the kind of people that God brings around you, and you will be humiliated once you realize that this is actually His way of revealing to you the kind of person you have been to Him." -Oswald Chambers

Wow....now that's food for thought...

Angels and Blessings

My lord, following me on silent steps, keeping me from unseen death.
Comforting me as I weep in sleepless nights, trying to fight, trying to hide.
Patiently waiting, holding my tears, absorbing the sorrows, feeling my fears.

Calling me......Calling me.

My soul creator, My author, My friend.

I sleep on silent wings, hidden from the destroying things.

Two in one day!!! What the.......

So i've had kind of a cool day so I felt like posting yet again. Maybe I just like typing? So I took a big step today....well a big step for me! For anyone who doesn't know I am a network administrator and with this job I normally have well...pretty much anything I want! So I have at my desk a completely unmonitored internet connection in which I can do anything I want.....this is a bad thing. If this doesn't point sort of in the direction of some of my struggles then.....well think about it again! So today I removed my internet PC from my desk and am only on the monitored corporate network. This is by choice and it's one of the harder ones i've had to make. Maybe at some point I'll be strong enough to resist the temptations that exist on the world wide web..... but as for now.....I am not.

For me.....

Jesus Wept -John 11:35

The Nail Should Be Enough

I don't normally post on the weekends but I was bored and online so here I am! Today's church service was excellent, I felt push and pulled and promted by the spirit in so many aspects. I definately had an appointment with the lord today, although I think I may have missed an important part of it. I should have gone forward at the end to pray...but I chose not to. I sat there and wrestled with God and talked myself out of it. Why? Good question. I decided in my own mind that I didn't need to do that...that I could deal with God on my own, that I didn't need to deal with it there for all the world to see. But now I'm thinking, well maybe I did need to do it there....maybe God wanted me to do it for some reason that is beyond my understanding. Chances are it's beyond my understanding....as most of Gods plans are! I by no means think i've missed the boat or anything....I just think I missed an chance to respond to a call God put on me in the moment and I'm not sure what the impact of that might be....and probably never will. All I can do is promise myself that next time God speaks to me......I'll listen.

"God whispers to us in our pleasures, speaks in our conscience, but shouts in our pains: it is His megaphone to rouse a deaf world."

--The Problem of Pain -C.S. Lewis

Light Pushes Through.......

Ok, so today is a bit better. A certain friend told me I should refuse to give in to my self-medication. Yes, it does seem simple enough but I did that today and it seems to be working so far. :) -so thanks. I realized last night that I am making decisions through out my day based on how I feel at any given moment, how many times have I been told that my emotions are not reliable? That I can't listen to them...that they are a flesh driven part of me that I have to learn to overcome with the holy spirit? I know this yet I seem to need to fall on my face a million times to prove it's true! Sometimes humans own stupidity is the most shocking thing about us. :)

So onward and upward, through the miry clay out the other side to mercy and grace. A patient and loving God that never tires of picking me up again. A father that offers his hands freely as the blood drips from the dark holes that are the human heart. A breaker of bondages, a master key to the cell of sin, and a loving vale of light that is enough to remove all shadows that exist from this entire broken world.